One of the visualizations I do with some clients who are sort of stuck in punishing themselves is a visit with their subconscious mind. Deep inside, you know why you do what you do - what experience or circumstance led you to this behavior. Fear and Guilt are two of the most frequent causes. Fear of going forward, of risking, of being responsible for being able to have a good life and then guilt - usually for something they had no control over. If you are not allowing yourself the opportunity to take advantage of alternative methods of healing then you ought to spend a little time meditating. Get in touch with your subconsciousness and ask the hard questions. You have the answers. Many of your answers come from your life decades ago. Not much of that is relevant if it ever was. You are a different person, strong and independent. You are in control of your life and you can live it as you choose.
Not everyone needs to dig up the reasons for behaviors. I am a firm believer in deciding to change and then just doing it. Consider investing in YOU. If you don't have faith in you, you can't expect anyone else to do it for you. You have to be your biggest fan.